Can I Help?
After the massacre at Virginia Tech, I thought, the perpetrator lived close to DC, maybe we crossed paths. Of course, he would not be in the chat rooms I frequented, but I wondered, what if I were there to chat with him. Could I have changed his attitudes? Could I have saved him from himself?
These thoughts are naive, I realize that. Teachers, family, clergy, physicians, therapists, drugs, roommates, classmates... none were able to crack him open, get him to speak or express himself. How could I?
Maybe I wished I could have helped, maybe it was a delusion of grandeur, a superman complex brought on by a recent successful seduction.
Be careful what you wish for...
As it was once said, god does not give you what you ask for directly, but she gives you the opportunity to do what you want. And so it happened.
A recent intern at a friend's office befriended me and asked for help with his career search. A tall white guy, he had recently graduated from a DC area college. Sure, I offered, I have some time to help out. We met a few times to work on his cover letters and resume at a local Starbuck's, and he called me a few times to ask for interview advice.
But as the weeks progressed, I noticed that his emails to me became more frequent, and the words a little more unusual. He was developing a crush on me. The emails started to include complex poems, too creative for my pea sized brain to understand. I decided to meet him one more time for a mock interview. It was then that he told me that he was taking a medication to control him anxieties and depression and mood swings, and that he had taken a semester off during college to try to control his illness.
And so god sat back to se how I would react. of course this guy was no killer and nothing like the student at Virginia Tech. But here was my opportunity. COuld I help him? Could I draw him out of his illness and depression?
Of course not. It is an illness and of course I realized that, and I knew that I was more concerned about breaking this friendship and removing myself from his sphere of mania.
So, I am sad to report, that I continue to help with his job search, but have maintained a very distant relationship. Apologies to my delusions and desires and dreams, but reality crept in and I saw my true nature of self preservation.
These thoughts are naive, I realize that. Teachers, family, clergy, physicians, therapists, drugs, roommates, classmates... none were able to crack him open, get him to speak or express himself. How could I?
Maybe I wished I could have helped, maybe it was a delusion of grandeur, a superman complex brought on by a recent successful seduction.
Be careful what you wish for...
As it was once said, god does not give you what you ask for directly, but she gives you the opportunity to do what you want. And so it happened.
A recent intern at a friend's office befriended me and asked for help with his career search. A tall white guy, he had recently graduated from a DC area college. Sure, I offered, I have some time to help out. We met a few times to work on his cover letters and resume at a local Starbuck's, and he called me a few times to ask for interview advice.
But as the weeks progressed, I noticed that his emails to me became more frequent, and the words a little more unusual. He was developing a crush on me. The emails started to include complex poems, too creative for my pea sized brain to understand. I decided to meet him one more time for a mock interview. It was then that he told me that he was taking a medication to control him anxieties and depression and mood swings, and that he had taken a semester off during college to try to control his illness.
And so god sat back to se how I would react. of course this guy was no killer and nothing like the student at Virginia Tech. But here was my opportunity. COuld I help him? Could I draw him out of his illness and depression?
Of course not. It is an illness and of course I realized that, and I knew that I was more concerned about breaking this friendship and removing myself from his sphere of mania.
So, I am sad to report, that I continue to help with his job search, but have maintained a very distant relationship. Apologies to my delusions and desires and dreams, but reality crept in and I saw my true nature of self preservation.
Labels: depression
posted by GamTube at 4:56 PM
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